Say how you feel and the truth shall set you free

A part of me asks myself, why bother to continue to write in this thing? Anyone that might have been remotely interested in what I have had to say would have lossed interest a long time ago. Yet here I am, continuing to write down what I want to say. I guess as usual it is to clarify my thought and feelings, as well as to express myself, even if it is through know more than a word on a page that no one may ever read.

I must say it is nice to write for the sake of writing though, rather than because I have an essay that needs to be handed in the next day. If I never see an essay again, it won’t be long enough, but I doubt I will be that lucky. Over all however, I am quite happy with my academic year, I passed everything for the second half of the year, and got an A for one of my classes for the first half. I need a total of 50 more points and I will have a diploma in Helth Psychology.

In other news, my trip to Sydney got cancelled the day before I was meant to leave, I know I should be angry or annoyed or upset or something, but strangely I feel untouched by the whole thing. For the first time in a long time, I feel contented with who I am. I love my life, I am doing well in my studies, and I have some a mazing

friends, Hayley for one. My biggest worries at the moment are what I am going to do over the Holidays,

 And the sort of trouble I can get up to. Life is good and simple

Lay your sleeping head, my love,
Human on my faithless arm;
Time and fevers burn away
Individual beauty from
Thoughtful children, and the grave
Proves the child ephemeral:
But in my arms till break of day
Let the living creature lie,
Mortal, guilty, but to me
The entirely beautiful.

Soul and body have no bounds:
To lovers as they lie upon
Her tolerant enchanted slope
In their ordinary swoon,
Grave the vision Venus sends
Of supernatural sympathy,
Universal love and hope;
While an abstract insight wakes
Among the glaciers and the rocks
The hermit's carnal ecstasy.

Certainty, fidelity
On the stroke of midnight pass
Like vibrations of a bell,
And fashionable madmen raise
Their pedantic boring cry:
Every farthing of the cost,
All the dreaded cards foretell,
Shall be paid, but from this night
Not a whisper, not a thought,
Not a kiss nor look be lost.

Beauty, midnight, vision dies:
Let the winds of dawn that blow
Softly round your dreaming head
Such a day of welcome show
Eye and knocking heart may bless,
Find the mortal world enough;
Noons of dryness find you fed
By the involuntary powers,
Nights of insult let you pass
Watched by every human love.

And finally. This question. The mystery of whose story it will be, of who draws the curtain. Who is it that chooses our steps in a dance? Who drives us mad, flashes us with whips, crowns us with victory when we survive the impossible? Who is it that tells all these things? Who honors those we love with the very life we live? Who sends monsters to kill us, and at the same time sings that we’ll never die? Who teaches us what’s real, and how to laugh at lies? Who decides why we live, and what we’ll die to defend? Who chains us, and who holds the key to set us free? It’s you. You have all the weapons you need. Now fight!

hey!

Well I am back from Auckland, got back a few days ago.

My time up there was mixt, hated the time I spent around Sina and raquel, I can’t stand all that backstabing and talking behind everyone elses back, it just isn’t me. starts to make me feel sick and depressed, so I was so happy when I got away. The time I spent with ese and his friends was amazing!  It just shows me who my true friends really are.

Still it was nice to get back to wellington, and to sleep in my own bed. Feeling pritty annoyed at kat at the moment, she leaves in two weeks for auz, and it is really going to suck not beeing able to see her for months. She has been living in Wellington for the past three years, so it is going to be strange not having her around. She said we would hang out lots before she left, but I see her less than I did before. When I do see her it is normally because she wants to borrow my bus card or something. I don’t know, if she doesn’t want to hang out these last two weeks alg, I am tired of asking :(

In other Knews starting back at weltec on monday! my first is ccp, anyone can guess what that is? lol.  looking forward to finishing the year to tell you the truth, want more holidays, and freedom! oh yeah and summer! totally over winter! bring on warm weather :) 

“Take joy in the happiness of others, so your happiness may be eternal.” I rote this after my talk with Kim, and I am indeed really happy for her. She has had a hard time, But now she seems really happy. Even though I rote it, I still feel like putting a snarky comment below it saying something like, because the only happyness I am going to get is through the happyness of others. Rather negative I know, and I am sorry. Its just I always seem so close, like a fingers tuch away, but always something small seems to get in the way.

Well wish me luck for Auckland,

will post again when I get back next week,

laters.

Well I am heading up to Auckland tomorrow, and already my trip is not going as planned, but I am not going to back down now, I am going to go even if it is for a shorter time. I just hope I get some enjoyment out of it, before facing the second half of my study year.